The power of silence in coaching
Hello, and welcome, new subscribers, I’m so glad to have you here.
During my coaching class last week, I mentioned the power of silence within a coaching session. The next day, during a client’s sixth session, we had what seemed like a minute of silence – probably only about ten seconds in reality! – while she tried to articulate herself. I had an idea of what she was processing, so I held on, keeping my focus on her but not speaking. And bingo! She had identified the critic she was hearing in her head telling her she was wasting her time, that she would never be good enough to be published.
Not every silence will be that significant, but it does us no harm to remember that silence isn’t empty or awkward; it’s the sound of processing, thinking and feeling. Our instinct is to want to help solve problems, to ask good questions, to be insightful and encouraging, even witty, but sometimes our silence can do more for our authors than any sentence we craft.
Silence
allows a writer the opportunity to fully articulate themselves without the pressure of feeling rushed
is a quiet vote of confidence that you know they will find their way
avoids the client being distracted from the thought they are processing
lets the author process their emotions if you’re talking about a sensitive topic
If silence scares you, try:
discreetly scribbling a note while you wait
having a pen or fidget toy in your lap to help keep your focus
practising with a friend, colleague or family member
Side note: As writing coaches we will often witness emotion in our sessions, especially if we’re working on memoir, autofiction, emotional scenes, or are dealing with mindset issues, but it’s vital to remember our role, which isn’t to help process trauma or counsel, it’s to actively listen with empathy then direct those feelings to the work – the writing. If it feels like you’re getting too close to a counselling dynamic, supervision is a good idea to help you work on holding your boundaries.
Aimee
Aimee Walker Editorial (AWE)
P.S. Know another editor/coach who would benefit from The Coaching Compass? Forward this email their way — the more of us navigating together, the stronger our community becomes.
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